Posted by RottieWoman on October 05 2011 12:41 PM
hello Samantha, I'm glad you're here :)
I'm sorry to read about your panic attacks and your experiences with ballet. It can be hard to attempt to do something you really really want to do emotionally, but the actual act of doing it, working on it, ends up being confusing. I've had that happen to me too. Sometimes it's happened in jobs. It can be scary.
Is there any way you and maybe a parent or trusted adult can talk to your ballet instructor one-on-one, or find a new instructor and have a discussion with them before you sign up for or start the class?
At least let the instructor know how you feel?
Or maybe with your years of experience, you could take your break from performing ballet but assist little kids or help out in say Special Olympics dance activities or something - something where you give your knowledge to someone else?
I know it's hard now, but as you get to be an adult, generally you learn about so many things and eventually end up seeing things differently than you do now. Up to about 7th/8th grade I was badly bullied in school, both emotionally and physically. I was scared all the time, and I was born very prematurely so I'm a small person. I was in Special Ed for Speech and Language problems and that stood out too. I was physically un-coordinated, clumsy...part of that was I just was not physically talented in that area, part of that being so panicky about what "could" happen to me at any given moment and part of that was I literally couldn't understand patterns, instructions, spatial orientation required to play a lot of games/sports, especially the way they were taught. Teachers and kids assumed that I either knew from watching other kids play that I got it, or if a new sports-related thing was explained once and practiced - that I got that. But that wasn't true. And I didn't know how to describe this at the time.
But high school and later was a lot different. And I always knew, while all this other stuff was going on, that 1 - it was temporary; and 2- that my folks loved me. So I kept thinking about that.
I hope you can, too
Edited by RottieWoman on October 05 2011 12:43 PM