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Do you tell people that you have dyscalculia?





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Someone I never wanted to see again....
reverend blamo
#1 Print Post
Posted on October 19 2008 10:23 AM
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I was at a photo shoot earlier today. I was photographing a blacksmith competition for the city. The other artists from our gallery/studio were also there, displaying and selling some of our works. The day was perfect.
I was sitting at the table we had set up, taking a break from shooting, when this guy walked up and was asking questions about my photos on the table. You looked at my business card and asked "Are you Bobby?" (the card only had Reverend BLAMO as a name on it) When I told him I was, he said " I'm Phil J*****."
I just looked up at him and said "Oh." I guess the look of hatred, disgust and homocidal thoughts registered clearly, because he turn and walked away without saying anything else.

This piece of S@%# was a family friend who had an affair with my mother and molested my sister. He simply walked up like I was supposed to welcome him and chat about the past.

I did not see him the rest of the day, which was good because after the shock of seeing him wore off my only thought was to smash his head into the pavement like a pumpkin.

I have been awake since about 3:30 AM (it's 6:17 now) I took something to help me sleep but it's not working yet. I will probably fall asleep about the same time the sun comes up. I just needed to tell someone about this. I can't tell my sister. See is one of the ones I go to to talk and I am pretty sure she is sleeping right now as well as my other go to friend. ( L. )
"I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused..."
Elvis Costello
 
justfoundout
#2 Print Post
Posted on October 19 2008 03:28 PM
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10/19/08
Dear Blamo,
What's amazing is that, with all that going on in your head, you still got on the forum and comforted a kid who had written on a different Thread about how bad other people were making him feel for not being able to do math. (I just got through reading your other posting.) You're always doing that for other people. And that's why what this person who you are writing about evokes your strongest 'righteous indignation'. I'd say, it's a good thing that he dropped out of sight that day.

Something somewhat similar happened to my father once, when I was a kid. He was driving through a little west Texas hick town, where he had grown up. A man waved at him, and my dad instinctively waved back. It took my father a minute for it to 'register', but then it dawned on him that that was a fellow who had tried to do him great harm, many years earlier. It's a good thing that Dad couldn't act on his feelings at that time. It made him so mad that he sort of had a mini-meltdown,... mostly because it made him so mad that he had smiled and waved at the guy. But he had to keep driving the car, so we just kept going.

I'm so sorry for what happened to your sister, and I'm glad that she has a brother who cares about her. - justfoundout
 
reverend blamo
#3 Print Post
Posted on October 19 2008 10:39 PM
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It's not really anything, I hated the way I was treated as a kid and never want anyone to go through that. It stinks that in 2008 a kid somewhere, and way more than we will ever know about, is not getting the help he or she needs because people don't know about learning disabilites.
And like your dad, I guess I know deep down it would not help anyone if I beat him. I am not even a violent person, I wouldn't or haven't thought of hurting anyone in a very long time.
"I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused..."
Elvis Costello
 
Lostinspatial
#4 Print Post
Posted on October 20 2008 02:12 PM
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I give you credit for not beating him to a pulp, it must have been very difficult to resist that urge. I'm sorry your family had to go through that.
 
evie dee
#5 Print Post
Posted on October 21 2008 04:07 PM
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Lisa_ wrote:
I give you credit for not beating him to a pulp, it must have been very difficult to resist that urge. I'm sorry your family had to go through that.

Same here!
It's hard not to fight the urge to beat the person who has abused someone that you know and love to a bloody pulp when you run into them.
 
http://myspace.com/evie_dee
evie dee
#6 Print Post
Posted on November 28 2008 02:17 AM
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My uncle Tom, who's a drug addcit shows up at Thanksgiving. He also showed his face at Thanksgiving today. Nobody wants him around, but my Nana expects the family to welcome him in our house with open arms. (My dad has simply refrused to let him in our house! My dad is the only one that knows how to stand up to my Nana and not give in to guilt. And it wasn't because that he was an addict or stole money from my mom. me, and my brother-he stole my dad's identity, and my dad forgave him because my Nana guitled him into it! The years of 1993-1995 was very turbulant, and it was around 1995 that I started cutting. Anyhoo, my mom almost divorced my dad because of it!) I hate to say this, but I don't want him anywhere near me, or my dad, or my mom (he's stolen from her, too). I have to resist the urge to beat him to a bloody pulp from stealing what little money I had to support his habbit. (I purposely left my cell phone and my money at home-and I purposely went to play with my cousin's boys, and we had a ball!)
It's something that my mom is trying to get past, but she can't. She needed a glass of wine just to calm down today-she never drinks anymore, and I'm not saying that my mom is an alchoholic, but she needed a drink. (There were times when I have seen my mom drunk, but I've never seen her drink to excess. My mom would beat me or my brother at times when she would be drunk. Now, I've rached a place where I refuse to buy her alchohol, and give her alcohol.)
I just hate looking over my shoulder when he's around. I feel like I can't be myself because I always have my guard up.
Next year, I'm thinking about spending Thanksgivng with my aunt Cindy and my Grandma-because I know that he's not in that house, and things are a lot less stressful. (My mom and I left five minutes into my Aunt Ellens' Easter once because he showed up high-and as soon as we knew what was going on, I said "Mom, let's go over to Aunt Cindy's." And my mom said, "Let's go.)
I'm starting to think that crazy won't even come near my dad's side of the family. Why can't my dad's side of the family be normal?
Edited by evie dee on November 28 2008 02:18 AM
 
http://myspace.com/evie_dee
undazzled
#7 Print Post
Posted on November 28 2008 07:39 AM
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Wow Rev, I'm sorry to hear that you had to interact with that person from your past. Seeing someone like that come back into your life, even briefly, can unleash a whole set of feelings that had been kept in the scary dark place for a long time... I am speaking from experience on that one. I applaud you on not choking the slimy bastard with his own intestines, which from what you have told us is very obviously what he deserves. Scum like that shouldn't be allowed to walk... nobody who touches children with anything but respect and love should be allowed to live among the rest of us. I hope you get some rest - physically and mentally - soon.
"The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings." - Eric Hoffer
 
Lostinspatial
#8 Print Post
Posted on November 28 2008 02:53 PM
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Evie what your nana is doing is called enabling. If you google that and codependent you can read up on it. Its healthy to set boundaries
 
gooup
#9 Print Post
Posted on November 28 2008 03:18 PM
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You guys are all in my prayers, Godspeed to you all!

Kindest regards,
gooupb24;
 
www.harp-oh.com
evie dee
#10 Print Post
Posted on November 28 2008 05:40 PM
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Lisa_ wrote:
Evie what your nana is doing is called enabling. If you google that and codependent you can read up on it. Its healthy to set boundaries

Oh, yeah. She enables my uncle Tom to no extent. My dad, mom and I have had enough. We have set boundary after boundary to no avail. It's gotten to a point where we've refused to show up at family events because of the enabling.
Christmas, after we go to breakfast at my aunt's, we're staying home. I may even suggest that we bring Grandma over.
Even my Grandma knows about my uncle Tom, and has said that we shouldn't even be around him-especially after what he did to my dad!
 
http://myspace.com/evie_dee
reverend blamo
#11 Print Post
Posted on November 29 2008 01:00 AM
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The only experience I have in this area is from a slightly different point of view (my dad let crack-head chicks live in his house because he didn't want to be alone) but my guess is they find it hard to say no to Tom. Of course this doesn't help him at all. It certainly doesn't make it pleasant for you and others. If he is anything like my dad's harum, he is probably good at manipulating people or playing on their emotions.
"I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused..."
Elvis Costello
 
justfoundout
#12 Print Post
Posted on November 29 2008 01:21 AM
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11/28/08
I'll put in my two cents worth. That type of person (Uncle T.) will usually get 'advocates' together, backing him up, so that not being able to get away from the person isn't just 'guilt driven'. The ones who are really good at it will find ways to make the person who is trying to keep a discreet distance from them look like the 'instigator'. Often, it's the one who tries to break free from the sick person who will get blamed by the whole group or even whole family for staying away. It's a form of "emotional terrorism". But it's worth it to get away from these people. That's the only way to be able to think clearly. - jus'
Edited by justfoundout on November 29 2008 01:24 AM
 
evie dee
#13 Print Post
Posted on December 02 2008 10:18 PM
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justfoundout wrote:
11/28/08
I'll put in my two cents worth. That type of person (Uncle T.) will usually get 'advocates' together, backing him up, so that not being able to get away from the person isn't just 'guilt driven'. The ones who are really good at it will find ways to make the person who is trying to keep a discreet distance from them look like the 'instigator'. Often, it's the one who tries to break free from the sick person who will get blamed by the whole group or even whole family for staying away. It's a form of "emotional terrorism". But it's worth it to get away from these people. That's the only way to be able to think clearly. - jus'

Yeah. We've tried everything we can think of-boundaires, avoidance, not inviting him to events, etc-and it doesn't work. My Nana will make us feel guilty if we don't invite, but nobody wants him around!
 
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justfoundout
#14 Print Post
Posted on December 03 2008 11:06 PM
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12/3/08
It will be nice when you are "queen of your own castle". At least then you'll be in charge of who you invite into your "space". - jus'
 
evie dee
#15 Print Post
Posted on December 03 2008 11:10 PM
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justfoundout wrote:
12/3/08
It will be nice when you are "queen of your own castle". At least then you'll be in charge of who you invite into your "space". - jus'

I'm saving my pennies for my own house.
 
http://myspace.com/evie_dee
Lostinspatial
#16 Print Post
Posted on December 04 2008 03:42 PM
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When it comes to guilt, eventually you have to realize the ones "guilting" other people into things are manipulative. They're probably never going to be happy anyway. So if you follow them, no one's happy. If you set boundaries, they're not happy, but at least you are. Eventually, one can learn to ignore the manipulative kind of guilt.

I can't wait 'til Evie gets her own place, I say we have a virtual house warming! Smile
 
evie dee
#17 Print Post
Posted on December 05 2008 01:06 AM
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Lisa_ wrote:
When it comes to guilt, eventually you have to realize the ones "guilting" other people into things are manipulative. They're probably never going to be happy anyway. So if you follow them, no one's happy. If you set boundaries, they're not happy, but at least you are. Eventually, one can learn to ignore the manipulative kind of guilt.

I can't wait 'til Evie gets her own place, I say we have a virtual house warming! Smile

I know it's a really craptastic time to be saving up for a home right now, but I love putting money towards something, even if it's something big!
 
http://myspace.com/evie_dee
tammyk1
#18 Print Post
Posted on December 09 2008 07:49 AM
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Hey Evie,
I f you get your own place in the near future I have some nice pictures and maybe some household stuffs I can donate to you ( I live in Toledo). I know how pricey it can be to buy all that stuff. My aunt had her own interior decorating business before she retired and gave me a bunch of her left over inventory. It has been slightly used by me but in very,very nice condition and has been in clean, dry storage.

I'd rather give it to a kindered spirit than Goodwill. Grin
 
justfoundout
#19 Print Post
Posted on December 09 2008 01:05 PM
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12/9/08
I just want to say that that's a great idea, Tammyk1, and I hope that Evie will actually get to have her own place. I can't make the same offer this time around, because I don't have anything, but that doesn't stop me from feeling good when I read your offer. - jus'
 
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